North Isn’t a “Weird” or “Crazy” Name Says Rob Kardashian

Just read an article in Us Magazine informing me that Kanye West and Kim Kardashian have finally found someone who doesn’t think North is a “weird” or “crazy” celebrity name: Kim’s brother, Rob. He explained that, “North West…sounds cool! And North is the highest point, so it has a lot of meaning to it.” I suppose it might sound cool to someone who doesn’t know that north isn’t a peak, it’s a direction.

Rob Kardashian also commented that people who criticize the name are “haters.” I strongly doubt this talking point will come across to disappointed fans and the media as a convincing argument.

The article appears to be the result of a publicity campaign to explain that the name first mentioned by Kanye West three months ago while bantering with Jay Leno on “The Tonight Show” is filled with deep inspirational meaning. It will take a very long time to convince the public that the name is not exactly what it sounds like: a mildly amusing talk-show punch line.

Rich and Famous Parents Who “Brand” Their Babies Rather than Name Them

Cristina Goyanes’ eye-opening article for Shape magazine puts the “messed-up monikers” favored by Hollywood celebrities into a new light: Apple, North, Blue Ivy and Chastity are “brands.”

Most parents are concerned about picking a name that will be a joy for the parent and child to use. Cristina reports that Hollywood celebrities have a different agenda: they want to brand their child so wherever they are and whatever they do–they’ll be noticed.

Unfortunately, most brands don’t function well as names for human beings. Most brands don’t come with endearing, familiar forms that are readily available. Take Honor: what do you call her when you are tucking her into bed at night or when she wakes up in the middle of the night, scared and crying?

And what happens when Chastity or Bronx show up on the first day of kindergarten or summer camp or college? It’s tough enough to make friends without a brand name that will distance other kids or make your child a target for teasers and bullies.

Kanye West describes North as an “inspirational” name, even though most articles and blogs written about the name call it a “joke.” He says it means “the highest point.” Actually, peak means the highest point. North is just a direction–although as a name combined with West, it represents a fairly high point for bad humor.

It’s hard to imagine corporations picking brand names which create unfavorable impressions for their products. So “messed-up monikers,” like Apple and North, may be brands–but by creating unfavorable impressions, they are counterproductive.

Kanye and Kim Really Did Name their Baby Girl North West. (I Saw the Birth Certificate.)

Like “Birthers” who refused to believe President Barack Obama was born in the U.S. until they saw his birth certificate, I refused to believe that Kim and Kanye had actually named their baby girl North West until I saw the birth certificate in a CNN article by Ed Payne on Sunday, June 23—more than 7 days after their daughter, who now has a joke for a name, was born.

A lot of the articles announcing the news contain jokes that are swirling around cyberspace about North West–few (if any) of which are funny. That’s also how I feel about North West: It’s a joke that wasn’t funny when Kanye West mentioned it during an interview with Jay Leno about three months ago; and it still isn’t funny—-which means it will be included in lists of stupid celebrity names along with Pilot Inspektor, Blue Ivy, Apple, Dweezil, and Bronx Mowgli (among others) that aren’t funny either.

If you thought Kim and Kanye were going to get serious, at some point, and come up with a name their baby girl could live happily with, you overestimated them. My verdict: two thumbs and ten toes down.

Kim and Kanye’s Baby’s Name Is Still a Mystery, Though She Was Born June 15

Although the name of Kim and Kanye’s baby daughter has not been officially announced by the couple (though she was born on Saturday, June 15) a nurse at Los Angeles Cedars-Sinai hospital leaked “news” that the couple had settled on Kaidence Donda North. (Donda is the given name of Kanye’s mother.)

Another rumor leaked by a “family insider” suggests that the baby’s name was Kai Georgia Donda West. (Georgia is a female version of Kanye’s father’s middle name.)

Though we don’t know, for sure, what Kim and Kanye’s daughter’s name is (or even if they have picked a name yet), rumors abound as they negotiate a deal to sell baby-photo publishing rights and consider a variety of publicity “announcement” strategies.

Since we don’t know the real name of the baby, there’s no point in discussing the merits of any of the names that have been leaked or rumored. But it seems worth noting that the couple’s campaign to milk their baby’s name for personal gain continues, unabated, three months after Kanye West jokingly suggested naming the baby North West on national TV. And until they announce their baby girl’s name, rumors will continue to swirl through cyberspace.